Nuke
by OceansGratitude
Summary: I've decided I have too many disjointed Megamind stories on my Google Drive. So I'm posting them. Enjoy this oddball collage of old and new stories that may or may not have anything to do with each other.
1. Thespianism

**_A.N. I've decided I have to many disjointed Megamind fanfictions on my Google Drive, which I've been too afraid to post. So now I'm posting them. Many of them are just moments of a bigger plot, written here without context, or they're one-shots that didn't seem finished enough to post to my other collection. I'll try to edit them a little before I post them, but some of them even end mid-sentence._**

 ** _My hope with this is that one of you will see a connection or an idea here that I didn't, and you can come up with endings, or even help inspire me to write something actually cohesive from start to finish. Feel free to adopt any ideas, but please let me know just so that I can see what you do with it._**

 ** _This one is called_ Thespianism _written October 26, 2014. Yeah, some of these are pretty old._**

 _"To be, or not to be-that is the question:_

 _Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer_

 _the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune_

 _or to take arms against a sea of troubles_

 _and, by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep-no more-_

 _and by a sleep to say we end the heartache,_

 _and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to-"_

"What," said Minion from his globe, which Megamind held in one hand.

"He's wondering if he should suffer through life, fight through life, or just die," explained Megamind, still wrapped up in the emotion of his monologue.

"You mean Hamlet's wondering that?"

"Uh huh."

"What's he saying about shocks? I thought they didn't have electricity."

Megamind was about to explain, but the tell-tale jingling of keys down the hall suggested someone was walking nearby. He wasn't really worried about getting caught since he and Minion were abiding by all the rules, but he'd rather no one paid attention to them; it was hard to find privacy in this situation, and he didn't want an audience.

They waited silently for the guard to go by. Megamind had the whole monologue memorized and was ready to steam through it, but he wanted Minion's critique, and he didn't imagine Minion had that type of attention span. He was already starting to swim around in bored little circles.

"So how was the first part?"

"Good, I guess," tittered Minion.

"You guess? How was I?"

"Good. You've got the sad eyebrows. But the voice is weird. Like, really dramatic. No one really talks like that."

"To be fair, I don't think anyone would say any of these things out loud," reasoned Megamind, setting Minion down on the bed. His arm was getting tired and Minion didn't make that great a skull anyway.

"You should do a different one. I like the one with the rose."

"I can't do Juliet's monologue! She's a girl!"

"You said that Shakespeare made boys be girls..." Minion muttered.

All around them were books and video cassettes. Flash cards, drawings, and posters that Megamind had procrastinated in hanging, and were now so beat up and dirty that they were not worth hanging anyway. He wasn't allowed to have a bike, but he had engineered a pair of rollerskates, which didn't seem to bother the warden as long as they didn't cause trouble. There were two decks of cards, one of which was legitimate, and the other which he had rigged. He kept the resulting money wrapped up tightly and hidden in his mattress. He also had some Monopoly money, which he used with Minion as a learning tool, since he seemed to learn at a much slower pace.

Sometimes it was hard to be patient with Minion, but he secretly enjoyed being depended on a little. Now that he had grown up some, and decided that he was gonna be a bad guy, he was more in control of his life. And he didn't have to cry to Minion and beg for a band-aid for his confidence. Now he could actually return the favor.

He actually had a drive now. A goal. He was destined to be a super villain.

Unfortunately if you fight brain _directly_ with brawn, you end up with smashed brain. So he was kinda working his way up to that point.

"Am I eloquent enough, though?" He asked Minion. For reasons entirely un-confidence related. "Do I look like I know what I'm doing?"

"Yeah, totally."

"Great, okay. That's important. Gotta be taken seriously, right?"

"Yes sir!"

"Excellent..."

Megamind sighed and looked down at the papers spread across his bed. He wanted to be a super villain, and here he was studying how to be an actor.

He'd read books, watched documentaries and tutorials. Practice. Did some vocal exercises when no one was around. Documenting faces and poses in the mirror. The villain in most plays was, often intentionally, the most interesting character to appear on the stage. He wanted to be that guy. He wanted people to notice him, notice his brilliance, admire and fear him. He was getting good at it.

People around him noticed too. Guards didn't talk down to him as much anymore, and prisoners who used to think he was just a cute kid, were starting to include him in the network. He had better posture, more confident movements. His voice, though still the light voice of a little boy, was stronger, with more inflection and clearer consonants.

He was picking up tricks from his uncles, bartering for books and tools and materials, picking locks, sneaking into where he wasn't supposed to be. The risk was higher, but the rewards were greater. Since he had been removed from school, he had developed an ear for news and rumors, for secrets and lies, and for opportunities, just like any other urban lowlife. Except he was smart about it. He knew who to tell what, when and how, and how to twist it in his favor.

The best part was, the warden didn't even know.

During school Megamind, of course, had been deemed (rightly) a bad boy, but the warden always seemed to understand that a lot of it was unjustified baloney.

When Megamind had actually unleashed his Blue Bomb, it was such an unexpected and extreme measure to the warden, that the man had figured, hey, ya know, maybe the kid actually _was_ being bullied, and something drove him to this. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, Warden had only sentenced him to two days in solitary before he went back to normal life. Two days well spent dreaming.

Megamind's education was continued in prison, through books and videos, and he still kept his cell, still had Minion, was still allowed to go outside sometimes. He was just a perfect little angel. An _evil_ perfect little angel. Muahahahaha.

And Minion, sweet Minion, was just so happy to see him having fun that he went along with everything. He probably didn't even realize what was going on. Megamind had roped him into learning morse code, and math, and engineering. Reading came slow, but he was progressing. If Megamind had a problem with speaking words the way they were written, Minion had the opposite problem. But spelling really didn't matter as long as Megamind could read it.

It was symbols that troubled him, Megamind hypothesized. Perhaps the part of his fishy brain that processed symbols was not as advanced as a human's. Numbers and letters were mostly indifferent scribbles to him. but he understood the concepts and sounds perfectly. Morse code helped. He really was quite brilliant. And he had an amazing ability to differentiate scents and tastes and color. He could even apparently see a few more colors than Megamind could.

They had discussed another robot body for him, one which he could control himself, from inside his head. But that would require an implant, which terrified both of them. Megamind studied biology and medicine, and thought the science through; they knew the project hung ominously, yet tantalizingly, in the future.

Megamind picked Minion back up off the bed, along with a few books and flashcards, and peered out of his cell. He wasn't technically a lawful prisoner, so he didn't have to stay in his cell or make license plates or stuff like that, but he didn't really have the run of the place either. He was just kind of expected to follow everybody else. There were a ton of rules, and every time he walked into a different hallway there'd be a guard to ask where he was going and why. Recently now more than ever, since he had been acting differently.

All the prisoners that would usually be here were in the courtyard at the moment, so he would be able to hear any jingling keys or heavy footsteps a while off.

He went down the hallway, dodging cameras and officers. He wasn't really doing anything wrong. He just didn't want attention at the moment.

The exercise room was much smaller than it ought to be; with treadmills and bow flexes shoved much too close together. There was a bench press too, but Minion had advised against using it, and for good reason. There were lockers by the door, that smelled like Febreze. Thank goodness for Uncle Charlie and his thing with Febreze.

Megamind wasn't really old enough to need deodorant, but he used some anyway. He took off his shirt too, since that's what everyone else did. Even though if was chilly in here.

He set Minion on the bench press and opened a book to the requested page for him. The text was huge, with accompanying pictures. Minion had to translate the letters from symbols, to morse code, and then back into English, reading very slowly, occasionally clicking his teeth to himself.

Megamind adjusted the bow flex for himself, and began to pull on the weights. He wasn't getting big, but he was getting tough And he had pretty good abs for a eight year old, if he did say so himself. But he lacked endurance. That was something he would have to work on.

"Are you gonna have a super villain costume?" asked Minion, without looking away from his book.

"I guess."

"With a cape?"

That idea immediately appealed to him. He continued to repeatedly pull against the bow flex as he glanced back at Minion. "Yeah!"

"Can I design it, sir?" Minion asked excitedly.

"But you can't draw anything."

Minion puffed out his cheeks in thought, mouth pulled into a tight frown. "But I already know what it should look like…" He glanced around and looked back at his book.


	2. Random

**_A.N. This one I had written June 2, 2014 and saved as "_ aa random." I have no explanation for it.**

"Sir,"

Having not noticed the massive hand on his shoulder, Megamind quickly sucked in a breath. He stiffly sat up, peeling the side of his head from the table, careful not to wince as the weight of his head shifted backwards. He rested it on the back of the chair.

"Hmm. What."

"You were... Do you need help, sir? I can do the calculations and measurements for you while you draw everything out."

What time was it? Megamind started to turn his head over his shoulder to look at the clock, only to meet the back of his chair. He didn't feel like moving much further, so he didn't try.

"I don't need you to do that," he mumbled, turning back to the array of drawings and shakily scrawled numbers.

"But I can. You focus on design, and I'll worry about technical stuff. I've got a calculator and a ruler, and we can work together okay? Keep each other focused."

Minion moved another chair over and sat next to him, great, big, hulking. Warmth was radiating off the metal of his suit, conducting the heat from the vent just above them. For some reason Megamind felt irritated by his presence. Overbearing, controlling, _intrusive_.

"No, I've got it Minion. Go... I don't know. I'm okay by myself."

Ignoring him, Minion began pawing at Megamind's papers. "I like this robot, sir," he said. "Very big! Maybe we should give it bigger feet?"

Megamind watched blankly as Minion calculated in centimeters how big the feet needed to be to keep a so-and-so tall robot stable and converted them to millimeters for a scale drawing, using a method very different from Megamind's own. He drew lines on the paper to show the length.

"There." He put the paper in front of Megamind, and held the pencil out to him. "What do you want them to look like, sir?"

Megamind stared at him a while. Was he serious?

"What are you doing, Minion." He dead panned.

Minion adopted a nervous smile. "Just trying to help, sir."

Megamind slipped the pencil out of Minion's fingers and put it to the paper. He didn't draw; he didn't feel like drawing. He stared at the robot. He didn't remember drawing most of it. The lines were thick and sloppy.

He glanced back at Minion, who was watching him anxiously.

"...What?"

"... Are you hungry?"

That was random. Megamind blinked. "Hungry?"

"Yeah, it's been awhile since dinner. Want a bagel?"

"Uh... Sure."

Minion got up and went to the kitchen, leaving Megamind alone. It was colder without him, a draft blowing across Megamind's bare feet that he hadn't noticed before. He pulled them up into the chair and wrapped his cape around his shoulders. He didn't remember taking off his boots. Or his gloves for that matter.

He didn't want to draw anymore. He pushed his chair away from the desk and let it glide on its wheels several feet. Then he just sat there curled up in his cape, trying to conceal every bit of exposed skin from the metallic air. The toaster popped. A minute later, Minion came back.

"Sir?"

"Hm?"

"You okay?

"Hm."

Minion approached hesitantly and held out the warm, welcoming bagel. Normally Megamind would snatch it from him and wolf it down, but he was hesitant to move his hands out into the cold. He took the bagel gingerly and began nibbling on the edge.

"Sir, follow my finger with your eyes," he said. He was standing too close again. His finger was in Megamind's face, moving slowly back and forth.

Confused and aggravated, Megamind scoffed and pushed away Minion's hand. Rather than push it back as he had intended, it sent his chair rolling again. Oh well.

"Really, sir. Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, lemme alone."

The momentum of the push had turned his chair sideways, Facing mostly away from Minion. He could still see him out of the corner of his eye. Nervous energy. Stop.

Minion started walking closer. Megamind whined in protest. Minion stopped, only steps away, a hand hovering over the back of the chair. Megamind couldn't see him without looking up, but he could see his shadow on the ground in front of him, of an outstretched hand and warped water dome.

"You're acting weird, sir," Minion said slowly.

"I'm just tired," said Megamind.

Just the fact that he would admit to that put Minion on edge. He slowly put his hand down, holding the back of the chair. Megamind didn't complain this time.

"Sir, your hands are shaking."

They were? "Huh."

"Are you cold?"

"Hm."

There was some rustling behind him, and a fleece blanket was put around his shoulders over the cape. Hmm, soft and warm. Minion walked around the chair in front of him, leaning down to eye level. Megamind was still looking down, at his feet.

A thermometer moved across his forehead. Beep. Minion pulled it away and looked at it.

"You don't have a temperature sir. Do you feel sick?"

"No," Megamind mumbled.

Minion looked visibly relieved, but still not quite at ease. "Okay. Then... Stay here, and eat, okay? I'm going to turn up the thermostat."

Megamind rubbed an eye. "'Kay."


	3. Camping

**_A.N. These two go together because they are both based off experiences I had at camp that I thought were funny. They were meant to go with one of the one-shots in "You Don't Know What's Good For Bad" but that one went in a totally different direction. These were written June 14, 2015._**

The shower in the cabin was nasty, and the water was freezing. Megamind quickly scrubbed himself off, eager to get it over with. At least the cold felt good over the nasty sunburn that had developed on his head and shoulders. Sand washed from his pores down the drain.

Ugh, he had been wanting to scrub his feet clean all day. He reached over and grabbed the soap, balancing himself against the wall.

As soon as he lifted the bottle, he discovered a huge scorpion which had been crouching behind it.

He screamed.

"Woah!" shouted Musicman, from somewhere else in the bathroom. "You okay in there?"

"There's a scorpion in my shower!"

It crawled along the far edge, its stinger raised. Megamind pressed himself behind the stream of freezing water, muscles tense. Instinctively, he reached up to the showerhead to try and aim it at the scorpion, but nearly lost his balance when it didn't rotate.

"How big is it?"

"Pokemon sized!"

"That… doesn't mean anything. Just, I dunno, squash it."

"With what?!" shrieked Megamind, shaking his tiny soap bottle. "It'll sting me! And I'm _naked!_ "

"Well, I'm not going in there to help you! Just… aim the water at it. It'll go down the drain like a spider."

"I tried that!"

"Oh, well, I dunno."

the scorpion slipped on a puddle of water and lost its traction on the side of the ledge, sliding in towards Megamind's feet. Yelping, he jumped to the other side of the shower, keeping his balance with both arms straight against the opposite wall.

The door opened. "What's going on?" asked Minion.

"SCORPION!"

"Oh, okay," he responded, a little too casually. "I got you."

Megamind nearly shrieked again as Minion's furry arm reached past his body and smashed the scorpion under his shining fist. It's long stinger was bent oddly beside its eight switching limbs and broken claws.

"Ah," he stared at it in horror as Minion wandered back over to the sink. "Thank you Minion."

"No problem, sir," he chirped, spreading toothpaste across his toothbrush.

Megamind stared at the scorpion, its remains still in the middle of the shower. He finished cleaning himself and rinsed off, still keeping a careful distance. Then he reached over and turned the cold water off.

He stood and shivered, goosebumps covering his skin. Staring at the scorpion, Megamind grinned as an evil plan formed.

He grabbed it by the tail and flung it over the shower curtain into one of the stalls.

Musicman yelped.

* * *

Musicman was having trouble sleeping. In his fortress of solitude, he couldn't hear all these sounds, like bugs and wind on the windows. He sighed and sat up in his bed, bored.

Minion's body sat in the corner, though the fish was nowhere to be seen, tucked away in his little castle thingy. Megamind and Roxanne each had their own beds, but they were both curled up in Roxanne's. They were giggling about something and there was… a light by their faces. Musicman sighed, irritated.

"Did you two seriously bring your phones?" he asked with frustration. "This is supposed to be a no-technology camp!"

" _If_ this were a no technology camp, we would have no running water or lights, or even toilets!" Megamind exclaimed waving a hand vaguely without looking away from what he was doing.

Upon closer observation, they weren't phones, but little handheld games, and they appeared to be battling each other or something.

"Okay, settle this for me, hero," Megamind muttered. "Which is better: Luxray or Arcanine?"

"Wha-?"

"Oh, he doesn't do Pokemon," said Roxanne. "I tried to get him into it when we were kids. He was all like, ' _Weh!'_ " she pursed her lips in a whiny impersonation. "' _I can't remember all the names!'_ "

"Seriously, Roxie?"

"What a loser," said Megamind, turning over with his hand held. He brought it close to his face.

"Hey!"

He grinned and curled up with his game. "Shadow claw you in the faaaaace!"

"What?"

"Whatever, I have two more pokemon left," said Roxanne. "Excadrill!"

"Hey! That's blacklisted!"

"Okay, this is- seriously?


	4. Gunshot

_**A.N. This is a really raw, unrefined one I wrote May 6, 2015. I remember writing slowly, but I was caught up in what was going on, so some moments are a little out of character. I guess you could blame injury and hysteria. I haven't tried fixing it since then, because I didn't want to lose whatever I was going for.**_

 _ **I know this one really really wants context, but as I turn inside-out my metaphorical pockets, I have none. If anyone has ideas for what happens before or after this scene, I'd love to hear it.**_

Her head cleared, dark flies buzzing from her vision. The smell of smoke. She fought against the ropes around her wrists, beyond her limited vision.

"Megamind!" She coughed, irritated at how shaken she was. She was used to explosions of this magnitude, but none at such close proximity. Or so unplanned. "Untie me! Where's Metroman?"

She spotted him, hovering above, wincing down. His face was indistinguishable at such a great height, cloaked by a curling cloud of drifting smoke. His cape and buttons caught the sun, as they always did.

His attention wasn't on her. He was shouting at someone, but Roxanne couldn't quite understand what he was saying. Her ears popped painfully as she swallowed, and there was a commotion somewhere alarmingly close to her left.

"HOW _DARE_ YOU!"

Minion? Was that _Minion_? Someone yelped, something broke, the door of a car slammed shut, and police sirens. A gunshot. A _gunshot_? Metroman was off like a missile, following the car. Minion stumbled around, his body off balance.

Oh no. "Minion!" She shouted. "Are you okay? What happened?"

She could hear his metal feet banging unsteadily on the floor. She got a glimpse of a flailing arm from behind the rubble, and his whole hulking form fell over with a sharp crack.

"Minion!"

"I'm fine!" Minion barked, his voice filled with an uncharacteristic rage. She could see part of his dome where he had fallen. The glass was cracked deeply, but not broken. Water spread slowly across the floor, and she could see the gray shadow of the fish swimming in fast circles inside. "Sir! Where are you! _Sir_!"

There was no reply, and Roxanne felt dread sink into her skin. "Megamind?"

No answer.

Minion released a strange cry of distress. She heard him scraping his teeth against the damaged glass of his dome in an irrational effort to escape. "Minion, stop!" Roxanne shouted, her own voice strange to her ears. "It won't help! Come untie me!"

"I can't! Body's disconnected!"

Filled with terrible urgency, Roxanne struggled against her ropes. She got a shoe off. Her heel still couldn't slip through the knot. She bent her hands as far down her own arms as she could, but couldn't reach the ropes around her wrists.

Metroman wouldn't be coming back anytime soon, she figured. There were police sirens outside, fast cars, people screaming. She saw him once or twice, a shooting star, carrying people and cars. Something awful was happening outside, but here, immobilized and helpless, there was nothing she could do.

As Roxanne yanked at her bonds, Minion alternated between scraping with his teeth and shouting. He cried out for sir, and promised to beat the tar out of whomever had sabotaged their plan. His voice grew softer and more broken. Roxanne could see his shadow drifting to the bottom of the bowel. The water level was so depleted. Time was the enemy.

"Megamind! Come on, _please_! Where are you? Say something!"

"Say what?" A hoarse, confused voice from somewhere beyond the rubble.

"Sir!"

Unable to help it, Roxanne threw her head back in a hysterical cackle. " _Say what_ ," she laughed "Sorry, we only thought you were _dead_!"

His gloved hand was the first thing she saw as he lifted himself up and tore free of the rubble. He struggled out of the spiked mantle on his shoulders. There were tiny systematic wounds around his neck and jaw where it had cut him, and rips in his clothes. He grimaced and brought a hand to his head as he rose up on unsteady legs. "I think... I'm concussed."

Minion, too thrilled to see him, and probably too hysterical, could do nothing but grin. He pressed his flat face against the glass. "Oh yeah? Well _I've_ been shot!"

"You- what?" Megamind stumbled over, alarmed. He tripped on something and barely caught himself on his arms. Roxanne stopped laughing. Megamind pulled himself towards Minion, kneeling.

The water was almost gone, barely at Minion's mouth level. He sat on the bottom side of the dome, splashing with his fins, looking up with his puppy eyes and playful grin. He had forgotten all about his promises of revenge.

Megamind's eyes were unfocused, and he put both hands on the dome to stabilize himself. "You look smaller out of the water," he said. "Normally you're like a watermelon, but now you're like a little green apple."

What?

Minion and Megamind were giggling on the floor. Outside, the panic was beginning to die down, controlled by a shining hero. Roxanne was still tied to a chair. "Hey," she said. "You guys are real cute. But can you untie me now?"

"Why, Miss Ritchi!" Now not only was Megamind bloody, bruised, and exposed, but he was soaking wet. He didn't seem to notice. "Is a little explosion all that it takes to make you forget who the villain is here? Ha! What makes you think I'll let you go?"

"Megamind," she said. "Touch your finger to your nose."

He tried. He couldn't do it. Their smiles fell.

"That's usually a good sign that your evil plan is busted. Also, I think Metroman's is just a little preoccupied at the moment. Look."

He turned behind him. Beyond the collapsed wall of the ruined lair, most of the citizens had already been evacuated. Cop cars still sat around, but the ambulances had all gone back to the hospital. Several thug-types were being handcuffed and hauled around and read their rights. It must have been a rival super villain attack. Metroman was in the sky, marking off the fight zone with his laser vision, as if anticipating another blow. It was the superhero's right, according to The Rules, to limit the area of the fight, so long as uncontrolled fire or explosions were involved, which, evidently, they were.

Although, judging from the number of ambulances which had been there earlier, Roxanne wasn't sure how much The Rules could be counted on here. She grimaced. Megamind stared, clenching his jaw, eyes hazy.

"Some jerk is trying to snuff me!" He suddenly shouted. He tried to stand up, wobbled, and sat back down, seething. "Push me aside, will you? Target _my_ city? We'll see about that!"

Minion sobered up, remembering his anger. "I saw the face of the henchman who bombed us, sir. Don't worry, I'll get him! We can find his boss after Metroman arrests him, and I'll make him pay..."

"It looked more like a terrorist attack than a super villain to me," said Roxanne. "Metroman will catch him soon, so you don't have to do anything. Except, you know, maybe untie me."

Megamind sighed. "Let me get Minion to the sink first."

He fumbled with the buttons on Minion's collar plate, and opened the broken dome, scooping up the fish in his hands. Minion frowned as Megamind stood shakily and began to cross the room out of Roxanne's sight. She heard the water sputter on.

"You okay?" she heard Minion ask in a whisper.

"Please, Minion, It's not like I haven't had concussions before," Megamind said off-handedly.

He left the water running, and she heard his footsteps approaching from behind.

She also heard the second gunshot.

It was so close. It buzzed the outside of Roxanne's bicep, and she cried out in pain. A sniper in the building across the road fled from the window, Metroman on his tail.

"Miss Ritchi!?" Minion cried in alarm, unable to see from in the sink. "You okay? Did it hit anybody!?"

"I'm fine," _despite the fact that I'm probably in shock. "_ Just clipped me!"

"Yeah, nope, got me in the tummy," gasped Megamind.

Well, crap.

"Sir!"

"Hurry up and untie me!" cried Roxanne. "Come on, it's okay, I'll help you!"

In the corner of her eye he stumbled, and his knees buckled. He fell forward and curled in on himself. "It's not a killshot," he wheezed, slurring. "They wanna make me feel helpless. Why they wanna make me feel helpless?"

"Sir, just untie Miss Ritchi! Come on, you can do it!"

He crawled forward. The wet sound of blood falling from the wound onto the floor gave Roxanne chills.

"Come on, just my wrists," she said, her voice shaky. "Just one hand. I can do the rest, it's okay, come on..."

She felt him pull at the knot almost spastically. Her stomach dropped as she realized even this was probably too much for him.

He tugged and fumbled, and it was weak, but it was enough. Roxanne yanked her hand out at last and began frantically to untie herself. Megamind took his forehead to the floor in child's pose and tried to ground himself with deep breaths, pressing his hand into the wound, and Roxanne knelt beside him.

"Where's your cape?"

He made a flimsy gesture toward the rubble. She huffed, rose up on stiff legs, and ran to find it.

"I'm having a bad day," said Megamind.

" _If you take it personal, that's okay,"_ Minion sang from the sink.

"No, Minion, I hate that song..."

Roxanne came back, already ripping the cape into manageable strips. "Seriously? _Now_?"

 ** _A.N. Like I said, if you have any ideas for what happens before or after this scene, please tell me! I have no idea!_**


	5. Overheated

_**A.N. This was written July 30, 2015, and the reason I didn't post it was probably because I thought I'd come up with something to happen after this scene. Unfortunately I did not. I thought it was cute as I was rereading it just now, though.**_

"No, Megamind. Nooooo, it's too hot for this!" Roxanne groaned. Under normal circumstances she would have remained still for a few more moments, but the temperature was in the triple digits, and there was a smelly canvas bag over her head. She was probably strewn on Minion's shoulder, because she felt him jump at her voice and shift her weight carefully into a more comfortable position.

"Sorry, Miss Richie!" he pleaded in a tight whisper. "My fault! I'll fix it, hang on."

Thank goodness this skirt came down to her knees. The synthetic fur of Minion's arms reminded her of the burning seat of her car parked out in the sun. She groaned again as a bead of sweat fell into her eye. The familiar sound of Megamind's chair rolled across the floor. "Is she awake?" He asked from the other side of the room. "Just knock her out again."

Minion peeled the bag off Roxanne's head with more effort than was usually required. From the embarrassed look he gave her, her make up was probably a mess. "We've already knocked her out twice, sir! I think she needs water."

"Water sounds great!" Roxanne chirped pointedly, kicking her legs to make obvious the fact that she was indeed listening. She could finally see Megamind, somehow still wearing his ridiculous costume, hunched over a computer in his black leather chair. "And it's freaking a hundred degrees and humid, can't this wait until tomorrow?"

"The clash of the forces of wickedness against the feeble efforts of good cannot be postponed for the fear of meer heat, Miss Richie!" scoffed Megamind without looking away from the screen.

"Also it's supposed to rain tomorrow," Minion added. "And the next day… and the next day…"

"Ugh!" Megamind ground with frustration, rubbing his shining head. His gloves squeaked loudly against his skin. "Just find her a seat, Minion. Put a towel or something on it so she doesn't die from burning herself before I can incinerate her with lazers."

"Awesome," said Roxanne sarcastically as Minion struggled to shift her weight to one arm and move her kidnapping chair into the center of the room with the other. He also pulled a towel out of a cooler. They had… a cooler full of towels.

Before she could get a sufficient look at its other contents, Minion slammed it closed and arranged her seat for her. The towel was wonderfully cool. She tried to look as poised and collected as possible as sweat ran down her face.

Ice crunched as Minion dug around in the cooler for a water bottle. He glanced at Roxanne, frowning. "Can I untie her hands?" He asked.

"Whatever," grumbled Megamind.

"Ooh," Roxanne teased as she was untied. "Is somebody grumpy?"

Minion cracked open a bottle and handed it to her with the finesse of a trained butler. "Oh, he's just frustrated because our system overheated-"

"It's not overheated!" groaned Megamind, sinking back in his chair so only the shining top of his head was visible. "It's a… hostile virus! Planted by belligerent benevolents to discover my secrets!" He flicked away his shining cape, which was clinging to his frame statically. "Fortunately, as an evil genius, I know exactly how to fix it."

"Does that involve putting ice on it?" Roxanne asked coily as a brainbot buzzed by to add to the cold, wet pile on Megamind's hulking computer engine.

"Very observant." His head turned quickly around, shoulders tensing with excitement. "But I think you'd do well to notice, Ms Richi..." He stood with a dizzy skip and and a hop, pushing his chair aside. His eyeliner was running a little. Roxanne cringed, imagining what hers must look like. "The sinister work of genius suspended from Metro bridge!"

She turned to acknowledge his champion of wickedness, hanging quietly in the shadow.

"Aw, how nice," she cooed, sounding deliberately like a parent praising an ugly drawing. "What is it?"

" _This,_ " he pranced around to her other side, yanking her chair around to follow him. She yelped in protest, and he seemed to enjoy it, his cape sweeping behind him. "This is merely a distraction." An elegant wave of the hand. "Lurking below the innocent waves, something _far_ more horrible awaits your noble friend."

"Will we get to go swimming?"

Minion snorted "I wish," from by the computer. Megamind turned to glare at him, but the effect was lost when part of his cape clung to the side of his face.

Roxanne barked a laugh, and he squawked, swiping it away.

 ** _A.N. So if you think of anything cool to happen after this scene, let me know!_**


	6. Unabating

_**A.N. This one was written June 13, 2013, and is probably the oldest I've posted so far. I had it saved as "**_ **Unabating"** ** _probably because I was going through and giving random titles to a bunch of documents, and that's the first word that I thought of. I don't know if it really fits, but I associate this story with that title now. This one is short, sweet, and pointless._**

"So where are we going this time?"

"Huh?"

"Where to?"

"Oh, let's use the greenhouse this time. I don't think they've planted anything yet..."

Roxanne listened quietly to the two voices, laying in what was undoubtedly the backseat of their car. She'd been awake for the past few minutes, but the lingering effects of the knock-out drug made it hard to follow conversations. She had only caught short segments, and most of them she'd already forgotten.

Megamind and Minion seemed to be in one of their calmer moods. Their voices were pleasantly quiet. She must have woken up earlier than usual, before they get all excited. They almost sounded like normal people.

She squirmed around a little, just enough to figure out a bit of what was going on. She was tied up, naturally. She blinked open her eyes, only to see the dark, rough inside of the familiar bag over her head. She was finally grateful for the stuffy nose she'd had recently. No sense of smell.

Usually, Roxanne would already be tied to her chair by this point. She'd never woken up in the car before. Had she? Well, she'd never been lucid, anyway.

Hmm. Leather seats. Nice.

Minion and Megamind were still discussing something. She was pretty sure Minion was driving. Megamind's voice had that sleepy quality that came from a recent nap.

"-think it will fit through the door?" asked Minion. The first part of the question was lost to her.

"Yeah," said Megamind "I was actually planning to do it at the greenhouse. We could break some glass, make a big show of it. Which speakers are the brainbots bringing? The big ones?"

"Uh huh."

"Good. Ought to have the volume up so loud it shakes the walls. I love glass walls. It'll work terrific with lasers…"

"Sounds good, sir. What about Ms. Ritchi?"

Roxanne listened with interest.

"I was thinking we could tie her to the bottom of the hull, with braces on her ankles, wrists and waist, so she'd be against the curve, but of course with adequate support. Since she's not wearing a skirt today we can get the camera bots to do some cool angles from below."

Since when did Megamind worry about camera angles? Roxanne wondered if there was more going on behind the scenes that he had to put together.

"Oh! You're finally using my mermaid idea!" said Minion excitedly.

"Mer-? No! It's nothing like that. There is no ship, and there is no mermaid."

"No, I mean the position. She'd be like one of those wooden statues on the front of fancy ships."

"What does that have to do with mermaids?"

"Well, it doesn't, but I got the idea from..."

"Don't be ridiculous, Minion."

She heard Minion take a big gulp, and then fat water droplets hitting Megamind's window. He jumped in his seat.

"EW! Ew ew ew ew ew! MINION! No spitting in the car!"

Roxanne couldn't help grinning widely behind the bag over her head.

"Aw, you asked for it, Sir. Besides, you need to wake up some more. You still look sleepy."

"I stayed up all night getting ready for my escape. I'm allowed to be tired!"

"But you're not allowed to look tired, sir," said Minion more sympathetically. "Gotta keep up appearances."

Megamind shifted positions again. "I'll clean up when we get there," he grumbled.

"Think you can clean that big red mark off your forehead from leaning against the window?"

Roxanne could barely refrain from giggling. She could hear Megamind rubbing hastily at his face. He groaned, muffled by his hands.

"Give her another spray, Minion. We're running late. We need more time."

The familiar rattle of the knock-out spray. Roxanne forced her face to relax as Minion lifted up the edge of the bag and put her back to sleep.


	7. Coordination

**_A.N. Ah, I love this one. It was written November 27, 2016, called "Coordination." Honestly I'm astonished there isn't more fanfiction about Minion learning how to use his body. Or Minion in general. He's such an interesting character!_**

Beaming, Megamind stepped back to admire his creation. It beamed back, and Megamind laughed out loud.

"Try it out! Go ahead!" He was bent down eye-level with Minion's dome. Though he was excited, Minion could still feel his careful intelligence as his eyes flicked around. "Try standing up?"

Minion giggled, nervously overwhelmed. Imagine standing up on his own! He stared at his hands a little more. He couldn't connect with them as well as he could his own fins, but he was constantly aware of where they were. He had started feeling them as soon as the internal computer of the suit had been activated, and it was almost creepy.

"The thumbs are different from the rest of the fingers right?" He opened and closed his hands, metal parts clapping brightly together. "How do they…?"

"I'll show you in a minute. Try kicking your legs!" Megamind reached forward and pulled Minion's feet up, letting them fall again. "See your knee joint here? Just a normal hinge joint. Just unbend it, one at a time… There you go…"

"This is weird, this is weird, this is weird!" Minion was grinning like crazy, and began kicking faster, holding the sides of his chair with straight arms and clumsy hands. "Oh my gosh I have legs! I love you!"

Megamind clapped and laughed, and Minion payed close attention to his movement as he circled around. He had always wondered if those forces and physics would ever apply to him! Now he could walk, and gesture, and…!

"Come here!" called Minion. He continued to kick in the chair, rocking back and forth. "Comeherecomeherecomehere! Sir!"

"Hm? Ah!"

Minion grappled Megamind into a hug, grinning widely over the slope of his cranium. "You are so smart, thank you, thank you~!"

Megamind laughed, and hugged him back. Minion's first real hug! How did this..?

He felt the strange, organic way that Megamind's ribs moved as he laughed, and wondered again what it felt like to have lungs, or smooth skin. But. This was good enough. Hands!

.

Megamind yelped softly as Minion grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him far enough away so that he could flap his stiff iron hands between them. "Show me how to do the thumbs!"


	8. Minion's Highway

_**A.N. I wrote this March 16, 2014 and saved it as "Minion's Highway." It's pretty dramatic, perhaps a little too much, but I wrote it a while ago, and hopefully it's worth posting.**_

A week. It had been a week! Seven days, and not a word, not a light, not a sign, no indication as to what to do, and when...

Minion had swum around in his bowl for countless hours. His body had been still for so long, his world had somehow seemed to shrink, as though he was, once again, just a fish in a globe. _Stay hidden. I'll come to you_. Oh, he hoped so. He would hide. Imagine if he left and sir came back and couldn't find him... That would be dreadful.

He kept thinking of the last time he had seen sir. Hanging by his cape from Metroman's fist, being carted away. Minion had been terrified of this. They didn't really have a plan for this. _Stay hidden. I'll come to you._

They had known they were crossing a line this time. They weren't mere criminals anymore. They knew people would be even more afraid of them, even more careful.

It had been raining all night. Now the clouds were parting, and the sky was a lovely pink behind them, as the sun rose slowly. It smelled like wet concrete, and there was still the pitter of fat raindrops sliding off of nearby roofs. Not many people came here. Especially not here.

Minion had holed himself up against the crumpled wall of Megamind's most recent evil lair. They had lived in this one for nearly three months. Minion had thought maybe they could stay there forever. Have electricity and running water. Furniture.

Sir had been so excited for his first big stunt. He and Minion had stayed up all night mothering the specifics. Minion even made him a cape. A _real_ cape, like a _real_ super villain ought to wear. It was even nicer than Metroman's cape. This one was made of _satin_. Sir had paraded around, grinning, running so it would fan out behind him. It only came down to his ankles. Minion thought it would look better longer, but sir needed maneuverability...

 _What if it doesn't work? What if you go back to prison_?

 _Stay hidden. I'll come to you._

Minion could cry.

Not for the first time, he considered getting up and breaking Megamind out himself. He was big and strong. This most recent robot body was the best model yet. He had ten fingers, all of which he could move separately, and his feet had toes, which could conform to the ground and prevent slipping. He was nearly five feet tall, about as tall as sir, but his body was so heavy and solid that he could easily pull somebody down and start whaling in them. He could actually fight.

But if anything went wrong, there would be nothing he could do. He wasn't super smart like Megamind, and all the super weapons had been destroyed. One hard blow to the dome could shatter the glass, and Minion would be out for the count. There weren't any laws against killing fish.

Would the guards kill him? Or just arrest him? Would he count as an accomplice, or a pet? Did it matter?

He could at least check it out. See what was happening. Why hadn't sir escaped already? Why wasn't he here?

Minion looked down at his hand. It had been still so long, it had sunk a little into the mud, and rusted from the rain. Would it still move?

It had to. He wasn't going to wait any longer.

Metal rods inside his arms groaned as he sent signals down into his fingers. He pulled against the suction of the mud with a wet sucking sound and shook clumps of earth of his fingers. By the road, the street lamps flickered off. It was daytime now.

He stood up. The artificial nerve signals from his body to his brain were slow. He waited a moment for the computer to warm up. Feeling was beginning to come back into his hands and feet. His external microphones turned on, allowing him to hear more clearly the low growl of cars as the crawled over the road, and the sticky sound of their wet tires.


	9. Tricycle

_**A.N. Written April 5, 2015, this one was saved as "Untitled Document." Which is probably why I forgot it existed. It was a pleasant surprise as I was looking through. I've since fallen out of love with the name "Syx" for young Megamind, but I didn't bother changing it since I don't think it's what my dumb younger self would have wanted.**_

 _ **I've renamed it, "Tricycle."**_

Syx had never before been exposed to machinery this big.

Actually, no. He had definitely been exposed to buses, which were technically bigger than this. Also the vacuum that was used through the mess hall, whose engine might actually be bigger than the engine of a bus. He debated silently the horsepower required for both machines, and how large they actually were, going by the main compartment where the engine was held. the vacuum's engine was probably just much less efficient somehow. He wasn't allowed to actually pop the hood on anything, so he wouldn't know. Another thing to read about, supposedly.

This machine he had been directed to manage was very big, but not too hard to understand. The conveyer belt was powered by a neat little engine in the back, and moved two thick rolls that managed the thin sheets of steel by rolling them along the stretch of the machine. All Syx had to do was pull the lever to make them stop every 4.2 seconds. This would allow Uncle Mike to clamp the press down onto the sheet and cut it into proper pieces, so that they could be run through another press.

He had begged and begged for this job. He had wanted to know where his uncles went during the day and help them make "pictures on the metal." He had gone straight to the warden's office, knocked on his door, and began to present his argument. "Look how many push ups I can do! Look how good a draw-er I am!"

Minion had begged too, because he didn't want Syx to go without him. But he couldn't do any push ups, and his artistry left some to be desired. "I know almost all my letters! All the way to P!"

"Oh wow!" The warden had said slyly. "How high can you count?"

Minion had looked at Syx for help. Syx had stood behind warden and mouthed the numbers to Minion whenever he forgot what came next. He got all the way up to "three-teen."

Chuckling, Warden had agreed to give them jobs making license plates. He told them the rules, whom to listen to, and a very specific and thorough description of what they were and were not to touch. Promises were made with crossed fingers.

It was not long before Syx and Minion started stealing license plates.

"Can you turn my page?" Minion whispered. The shadows on the walls of the cell shifted as Syx got up on his elbows and reached over to comply. The glass binky in his mouth cast a blue light that allowed them to study after lights-out. He had an old college textbook about animal psychology. Minion had a picture book.

"What's this letter?" whispered Minion.

"That's a Y."

"What does it say?"

"Ya."

Minion sounded out the word. Ya-e-l-ow. Yellow? Yellow bee. The yellow bee sat on a fl-ow-er. The bu-tt-er-fl… ya?

"Siiiiiiir!" Minion whined.

"Shh!" Syx hunched his head over his book, which blocked the light from Minion.

"Sir, I can't see!"

Huffing, Syx took the binky out of his mouth and set it on the floor between them. Their shadows were cast on the ceiling, and Minion looked up to observe the effect of the light shining through his spherical bowl. It shone through his fins, giving softer shadows.

"I can see my bones," said Minion, mystified.

Syx glanced at him, and then followed his gaze up to the ceiling. "Cool," He said. He went back to his book.

Minion could no longer focus on the strange letters on the page. His brain didn't do as well with symbols. Audiobooks were better.

He glanced at Syx. "When are we going to make something with those license plates?"

Syx paused and furrowed his brow. He looked at where the plates were hidden, in the dark space between his bed and the wall. The stack had become somewhat significant. He smiled. "How 'bout a bike?"

"Yeah!"

Over the weekend, the machines were stopped, and everybody found other stuff to do. The sound of dribbling basketballs could be heard through the whole west side of the building. The tiny little library had been taken over by book-loving prisoners, and the weightlifting room, though reeking of body odor, was packed full, mostly just because there was a TV in there. There was a TV in the library too, but nobody knew where the remote was, so it was eternally stuck on some local cooking channel.

Syx knocked on Warden's door to check if he was there. He wasn't. The secretary said he was in the gym, keeping the peace. So he'd be a while, then. Time to find Minion.

Minion was several hallways down, traveling easily in his little orb. He was tormenting the old janitor, rolling circles around him, under and between the wheels of his trolley. The old man responded in gravelly, nasally hollers.

"Hey mister! Hey mister! Can I help push the trolley?"

"Ack! Go away! Freaky fish!"

Minion giggled and did a backflip inside his orb. He bulged his eyes, unhinged his jaw, and stuck his tongue out.

"Ew! Ugh! Get away! Disgusting creature! Leave me alone!"

"Hee hee hee hee hee!"

Minion rolled over the old man's shoe, provoking a yelp and a sharp kick. The sound of it actually hurt worse than the impact, but it sent Minion rolling away several feet. The man sped up, but Minion was quickly after him.

He could hear Syx's light footprints behind them. Perfect! He rolled in front of one of the wheels, forcing the trolley to a halt. It distracted the janitor, and allowed Syx to get close enough to snatch up the man's keys.

"Stupid varment! Watchu want from me?"

"I was just playing!" giggled Minion as he rolled ahead. "Bye!"

Minion escaped at the janitor's front, and Syx retreated backwards, keys clutched tightly in his fist. They circled around and met in front of the cell block.

"I got them!" said Syx. "You okay?"

"Uh huh! Which one is it?"

"I don't know! Let's see!"

Syx grabbed their license plates, picked up Minion, and run down to the workroom. He tried every key. The thirteenth one opened it.

It was dark inside, but Syx wasn't quite tall enough to turn on the lights. He set Minion down and dropped the plates, sticking his binky in his mouth. They would have to do their work on the floor.

Syx pulled his folded up, crayon-drawn plans inside his shirt. Minion raised an eyebrow at him.

"When I grow up, I will invent onesies with pockets," Syx declared in his defense.

"Don't you need tools?" Minion asked.

"Yeah, but I know where they are."

The Blowtorch, the hammer, the screwdriver, and all the little screws were located in a tiny, rusty, smelly closet at the back of the workroom. The foot ladder they found in there was also quite helpful. And there was a bag of cat food in there, but it was too heavy to move, and they weren't to that point yet.

Minion was the one to discover the goggles. Syx very much enjoyed the goggles.


End file.
